Maiden Voyage.

I’ve been looking at this beautiful white thing, thinking how in a world am I going to keep it clean and without damage. Long days in a sun and many hours of labor will eventually take its toll, there will be nicks and scratches, people will surely destroy the interior… but for now – it’s a shiny and clean Beloye Taksi – The White Cab.

On Wednesday, registration finally came in and I immediately signed it up into my Uber account. Paperwork was approved by the time I put the water bottles and candy in. Adjustment of the driver seat tho… that took the rest of the afternoon. I wasn’t rushing – everything has to be set up just right – Uber iPhone, my navigation, phone, stylus, my candy, water… I mean, I have to live inside this small space for many hours, it has to be both comfortable and functional.

Then comes the test. I went out around 6pm for few hours to get used to new car and its contraptions. I went for usual spots and… nothing. Not a single ping. Two hours later I knew something is wrong, but couldn’t figure out the source of the problem until alert came in without the sound. Bingo! Uber iPhone wants to play thru the car speakers. I didn’t figure it out, it was two teenage girls I picked up from that silent ping.

After I managed to rectify the sound situation things started cooking. Beloye Taksi got a steady stream of 10 to 20 minute rides – just what I wanted. Right away there where compliments about how nice it looks and clean smell and all that. First run had been going swimmingly and I kept on rolling.

12:45am call comes in from some bumblefuck 15 minutes away. Although not far from small towns, that place is legit in a middle of some forest, with one lane road not wide enough for two cars to pass, and no shoulder (just a big-ass ditch). I found the place all right, but decided not to drive up the driveway, because the house is way deeper into the woods. I can see light in a couple of windows, but nothing else. Nobody is coming. 5 minute passes and I am starting to get a bad juju, so I call ‘em up like “Hi, Im your Uber, I don’t know if Im in a right place. Can you see my car outside?”  (Meaning, “yo, I been sitting here outside chilling my bones. Harry up, beAch, the meter is running”) My worst fears realized – drunk woman with trembling voice, whispering: “Don’t come up the driveway, wait on a road, turn headlights off and keep the motor running”. Shiiit. What have I got myself into?

After few more minutes I decided that:
a.    Its stupid.
b.    I am in a deep completely dark forest.
c.    I am the captain of this ship and I get to decide what goes on and off and where.

So I put light back on, got my flash-light and stepped outside to meet my passenger. She was in dark knee-high pajamas and army-type boots, hair sticking every which way, no makeup. Suitcase. I offer to put it in a trunk. The thing feels almost empty.

We actually had a nice talk about Russian literature and music.
 She had Vysotsky on her phone and we listened to “Wolf Hunt”. She explained that although she doesn’t understand the words, she can feel the “haunting power of the song”. Her words.  Imagine her shock when I provided a loose translation about surrounded wolf and hunters and dogs, and breaking out from obedience…

She was running away from a husband number 2 or number 3 (she kept mixing them up). I learned a lot on that hour-long drive to a … parking lot on a shopping mall. The fuck? She actually spoke to a guy waiting there for some time. She was afraid he would leave, so she kept telling him how close we are. “Only few minutes away. O, you so nice to me. I’m so glad I have you” and more and more like this. I don’t know what the story with a future husband number 4 is, but he was definitely losing patience and even asked her if she is lying. Finally, we arrived at that Walmart and she jumped out as soon as car stopped. As I was handing her the bag, she was on a phone and kept saying that she is waiting for him in a store and cannot see him anywhere.

The Walmart was closed. She WAS lying.